Like Going to the Dentist (but in a good way)

So, I recently got an electric toothbrush. It's an Oral B Cross Action brush and it is freaking awesome. I honestly don't know how I've gone almost 25 years without this toothbrush. My teeth have never been whiter nor more stain-free, except for the day I come back from the dentist (only this time, I don't feel like I want to vomit).

Speaking of vomitting, part of the reason I hate the dentist is because I have what my mom calls "a very strong gag reflex." It's gotten better over the years, but it used to be a real problem. I had braces (from age 16-18, off just in time for prom!), and when the hygenist lady put that super nasty cement thing to measure my teeth in my mouth, my mom was all "hey, maybe you should get her a bib, as she will totally puke all over herself." The hygenist was really annoyed, because nurses and hygenists were always annoyed at my mom because she, as a nurse herself, always made them wear gloves and totally micromanaged the shit out of them. Anyway, the hygenist was all, "just breath through your nose," which is pretty hilarious given that I completely lack the ability to breath solely out of my nose or mouth (which is why I can't snorkel, and if you pinch my nose I will totally lose my mind and start asphyxiating). So basically, I threw up all over the hygenist, and myself, and it was freaking disgusting.

So I hate the dentist because no one ever believes me when I tell them that I will totally heave. But, the electric toothbrush provides a good brushing with minimal arm motion, and as a supremely lazy person, I love it. I'm not saying it REPLACES a trip to the dentist (that would be irresponsible), but it does remind you that taking care of your teeth doesn't have to be a chore.

What I really want, though, is this. It seriously MONITORS your brushing and tells you if you're brushing too hard and not long enough! It's like having an electronic dentist in your bathroom! That doesn't seem creepy to me, suprisingly. To me, this is the height of dental care sophistication. My birthday is coming up, too. I'm just saying.*

* I will kill anyone if they actually buy me that. I think it costs like $500. Please, put it toward an HDTV.