Facebook Scares Me a Little

Facebook has made my life better in so many ways. To name a few--Scrabulous, Scramble, X Files Triva, and stalking purposes. But what I don't like about it, are the ads. Now, probably most of you ignore them, like normal people. But I'm not normal, so I always read the ad that pops up on the lefthand side. And because I refresh Facebook constantly, I see a lot of ads.

So I've gathered that the ads are based on keywords in your profile. I have an interest in yoga, so that's why I get a picture of some dude meditating and asking me to go to his Yoga Conference in Asia every ten times I refresh Word Twirl. But lately, I've been getting a lot of strange ads.

I think the problem lies in the fact that it says I'm married, so what else could possibly be on my mind other than babies??? Literally, I get ten million ads having to do with conception and pregnancy worries ("80% of pregnant women worry just like you!" which, it's good to know that 80% of pregnant women worry that the last few minutes of Top Model will get cut off by the Tivo, too. So comforting!) The ads sort of creep me out, in that the word "baby" and "family" appear nowhere in my profile. Then I got maybe the best ad of my entire life:

It was a picture of a freezer. On top it said "HUSBAND IN A FREEZER." And underneath it said, "Woman marries and divorces 11 times." I stared at that ad for about twenty minutes, too frightened to click on it, lest my husband one day ends up in a freezer and I'm the prime suspect and the cops point to this one website visit in which I learned how to fit him in my freezer as evidence that I'm the culprit. I can only assume that's what the ad is for, right? Or is it an ad for human-sized freezers? Or an instructional pamphlet on how to marry and divorce 11 times? The world will never know.

A close second? The ad with a woman, head in her hands, that says, "HAVE THE TALK. Let your friend know his spoon collection is becoming a problem." WHEW, thank goodness, someone can finally teach me how to end my friend's obsessive spoon-collecting. It's like, enough with the fucking spoons, am I right?

A close third-- A pic of a giant wad of cash. "LADIES! Earn $500/hour." Underneath: "Earn $50 every ten minutes!" I hate to break it to them, but that math is not correct. You'd be better served to work an entire hour rather than 10 minute incriments. And I'm not ashamed to say I clicked on it, for I was intrigued, and it sadly ended up being a survey company asking me to do surveys for money. Probably surveys on porn, but no matter. Apparently, my interests let them know that a stripper-ish ad would not only pique my interest, but cause me to click on it without hesitation. It worked, but not well enough. Talk to me again when you have postings announcing that strip clubs are hiring, Facebook. Nice try.