The wave of the future

I like to think of myself as really hip and "with it." Especially when it comes to technology. My dad's a computer programmer, so we had computers and the internet in our house waaay early. Back in PRODIGY days. Back when you couldn't even pick your own email address--it was a random string of letters and numbers and you just had to memorize it and hope your one friend who has "the web" would memorize it, too. I was awesome at playing those weird role-playing Prodigy games where you go through a maze and find an old lady in a tree house or whatever. And I could set our VCR with the greatest of ease. But I think at a certain point, I sort of peaked, technology-wise.

I had the original Nintendo system, and let me tell you, I rocked the shit out of it. I can get infinite lives in Super Mario 1 and 3. And I knew JUST HOW to blow into the machine when it was acting up. But then, Super Nintendo came out. I wasn't allowed to get it because my parents forewarned me that some "new" Nintendo was coming out, and I had to pick between getting the same old system my cousin had or waiting some undetermined amount of time for a DIFFERENT system coming out. My little kid brain couldn't fathom what a NEW Nintendo would be like, and also I thought my parents were sort of lying just to distract me from video games and hope I would forget about it when the new system came out, instead going back to reading The Baby Sitters Club series. But I didn't forget, and I played old Nintendo like a demon. And then my neighbor got Super Nintendo.

That was the beginning of the end for me.

Suddenly there were more buttons. Not just A and B, but X and Y? And buttons...on the side?! It was frightening. So was Sega Genesis. So was PlayStation. No, I didn't like any of this at all. I much preferred 2-D graphics where all you have to do is collect coins and jump over scary things. And this is where my growth stunted, because recently I've discovered that the whole cell phone thing really passed me by. Yeah, I do have a cell phone, but until yesterday when I got my new fancy phone, I've never sent a text message in my life. I don't understand how it works. Or the point of it. My first texting experience went something like this:

Friend: hey
Me: hey
Friend: what r u doing
Me, one billion hours later: nothingsxk
Friend: want to get dinner?
Me: i can no right now
Friend: y?
Me: busy
Friend: doing?
Me: CANT YOU JUST CALL ME JESUS CHRIST.

It also took me about ten years to discover that if you want to send a text to a word, say to 20Fox, to say, for example, download an X Files ringer onto your phone, you have to type the numerical equivalent of the letters. Somehow, using a regular phone my entire life didn't clue me into the fact that letters = numbers when you dial a phone.

I also now have email on my phone. I love email, though I've been encouraged by many to switch over to gmail. But again, I've grown too stupid to understand it. I don't like how it sends emails you send back to you. And that it says "Me" in the conversation. You're not ME, you're my email. Start acting like it. Don't tell me what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. I sent the email. You don't need to remind me what I said. A little backwards arrow is good enough to remind me I replied, thank you very much. Anyway, everyone assures me email on my phone is very necessary. So far, all I've used it for is to alert me that I have new email, then check it on my computer. I guess it would be necessary if I had any sort of important job whatsoever, so I can look at my phone and say, "Oh no! An important client is having a crisis!" Disaster mode time! TYPE TYPE TYPE. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be getting any emails like, "Hey! The sparkletts cooler IS RUNNING LOW ON WATER. PLEASE HANDLE IMMEDIATELY!" any time soon. Though, you never know. All I need is a bluetooth and better clothes, and soon, I will be taken VERY SERIOUSLY.