A bulk of my day is spent wondering what I should eat for lunch. It's sad, really. But I'm boycotting the cafe in my office building, so this task has become even more difficult. Why, you may ask, am I boycotting the cafe? Unfair treatment to workers? Oppressive corporate policies? Tainted food? Nope. It's because the manager sort of called me fat.
So, I'm pretty cheap when it comes to lunch. I buy Lean Cuisines when Ralph's sells them for $2 each. I don't like to buy food if I can easily make it at home--seriously, if I see a turkey sandwich on regular wheat bread on the menu, I'll get super annoyed. People, the ingredients in a turkey sandwich are like, 17 cents. And I'm pretty sure you all possess the one skill required in making a sandwich--STACKING THINGS ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER--so there's no point in buying it for a bazillion dollars. It's like how at Ralph's they sell 2 HARD BOILED EGGS in a little pack for $1.50. Hey guys, buy a dozen eggs for that price, add water and heat, and YOU HAVE JUST MADE HARD BOILED EGGS.
Anyway, occasionally, though, I'll forget to bring my lunch, so I have to venture to the cafe. Now, nothing bothers me more than inefficiency, and this place is the WORST. There's only one line, so if you're picking up a ready-made sandwich (which is, by the way NINE DOLLARS), you have to wait in the same line with some guy cooking someone else a burger. It's annoying. And somehow it takes the workers 15 minutes to toast a bagel. One time, I had to explain to them what "lox" was, even though it was ON THE MENU, and then I had to explain what salmon was. Seriously. Anyway, I discovered through my one greatest skill--how to find the cheapest yet most filling item on a menu--that the three sides makes a great meal. I'd always order this really great cous cous, tofu kung pao, and a chicken noodle asiany thing. All that for about $7, and I was set.
So the manager was scooping my sides because all the workers were somehow not there. I think he might have given me slightly more cous cous than normal, but either way, it was a normal-sized meal. He looks at it and says, "That's a lot of food!" I smiled in the way I smile when people I don't know try to talk to me. Then he looked at me, paused, and said, "Maybe you save some for dinner."
What?? Seriously? OK, first of all, I fully intended on eating all the food (which I did), so I don't know what he was suggesting. If he was saying I was fat and should save some for dinner, that's just rude. I guess he could have meant, "man, you are tiny, no way you can eat all this!!" I just really don't appreciate others deciding what an acceptable portion is for me. It's like the time I ordered Chinese food with a friend and the delivery guy included four fortune cookies and four chopsticks. There were two of us, jackass! But, as far as the cafe, I decided to let it go because the cous cous is really fucking good.
So about a week later, I return, bleary from lack of cous cous. That same dude is there, and this time he scoops literally A THIRD of what he gave me last time. Like, not even full spoonfuls of my sides. Even my boss was like, hey that's not very much food, dude. So I politely asked the guy for another scoop. He looked at me and said "no." Ummm? It's not like I asked for an extra SANDWICH. I wanted like, one more scoop of kung pao...in order to make it a normal amount of food? The same amount I always got? He said, "I'd have to charge you more if you want more food."
OK, so maybe I'm reading into this, but I really think he's trying to impose some sort of diet on me. He uses his power as the office cafe manager guy to keep all the women skinny and starving...maybe so they come back for more food? Or just so they're nice to look at? I don't know, because it didn't work, as I haven't returned since that moment. It's been rough, but sometimes, you really have to stand your ground.
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4 comments:
Your last two blogs center around some self-image issues you may be having. You seem to worry that others think you're unathletic or fat. Unathletic? Sure, I can buy that. Fat? Uuuuh no. If you're fat, than so is 90% of the world (except Africa - they're skinnier than you. Actually, my percentage might be off then).
I believe what you endured the first time around was a very poor job of flirtation. It's kind of on par with how, in elementary school, I threw fruit loops at girls I liked. Since you failed to recognize that his comment was actually a compliment of your high metabolism, soft features, and voracious appetite for all the same dirty things he can imagine, he felt jilted on the next visit, and decided to get back at you.
Your problem is that you think too much like a rational person. You have to think like Enrique, the ex-con from El Salvador with a penchant for cock-fighting, petite women, rainbows, and making fine cous cous.
Hopefully that helps...
Thank you, though if he would have thrown cous cous in my face, I would have understood what he was trying to do. And have you met Enrique??? You described him to a T.
OMG!! I was laughing out loud with that one! That was awesome, Allison! Awesome!
Thanks, Ricky. My boycott is still going strong.
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